just saying...


i saw district 9 tonight. yeah, i know its been out for a while now. i MEANT to see it a long time ago but i dont know what happened.
so thats that.......


ive been planning to buy an ipod for a while now. the last ipod i has was the mini. i stopped using it for a while. then. i found a way to hack my ds to play music. then my phone doubled up as an mp3 player. then i got a psp. but now i just want something JUST for music - and maybe the cool apps and the cool wifi thinggy. i mean think about it, if i use my phone for music, what if it dies? then i got no phone. right? right? if an ipod dies, who cares. its only an ipod.
anyway, last month there were rumours about a sick new ipod touch with a camera coming out in the september apple event. so i waited. steve jobs says, no. at least to the ipod touch - the nano got a camera though.
oh well, it didnt really matter to me if it had a camera or not. like i said, i want it to play music and exploit free wifi locations >:)
finally, finally the september 9 event came. im so nerdy i followed live bloggers of the event from work - only on my lunch of course :P blah blah blah, apple store down for updates, blah blah blah, ta-dah, new apple products available for purchase, blah blah blah, walk over to small, NO IPOD, next day, STILL NO IPOD, so i finally asked the question i shouldve asked the first day i went, "when is it going to be available in stores?" "September 12th." awwwww poo.

2 days i checked and no ipod. not the end of story though. see, im one of those people who cannot leave a mall without buying something. anything. food, drink, clothes, toys. anything at all. so when the apple store dude broke by heart with the no-ipod-until-the-12th news, i ventured over to familiar shops.

aaaand i just have to say something about my favourite purchases.
new faves
- kay so my hair gets really gross and greasy especially on hot sticky summer days. i have found my cure. DRY SHAMPOO. its the best thing ever. i like this brand cause is smells like cake. uh-duh.
- and that little thing there, its a MINI HEATED LASH CURLER. BEST THING EVER. regular curlers dont work for me. my lashes are very short and straight. this heated version is like a curling iron for my lashes. im so addicted to it. its SOOO much fun to use.
* i buy so much junk from sephora that i always get something free. with this purchase i got, free mascara!
- that white thing under my laptop, COOLING PAD! that i shouldve bought a LONG time ago. i love it! i can finally put my laptop on my lap!

i bought a few pieces of clothing also but im too lazy to list/show them.
actually, today, i was looking at some of the stuff i got and 2 things i got in boston were the wrong sizes. the best part is, i even TRIED THEM ON at the store. how did i miss that??? one is small and the other is large. what? i dont know i guess the fit okay and thats the point.
i got other things in boston like the obligatory tokidoki stuff from urban outfitters, this cool urban paper book - its like paper dolls but weird, and urban LOL, HARVARD sweater and lanyard - i just love the havard colour, this cool music box thing - im gonna have to take a photo of this one later. its hard to explain, and i forget because now my head is just flooded with memories of the food we had. UGH. so good.

so its technically september 12th now. i think im gonna go to the mall, again, and see if the dude told the truth about the ipod. i really really really hope theyre in.

oh ps.
i CANNOT wait for "cloudy with a chance of meatballs." 3D please!
of course i would love a movie about food falling from the sky. OF COURSE!

and oh yeah,
i need a TB. i have a feeling my laptop will crash soon because of the hundreds of photos i have in it. i should really invest in one........
best buy here i come.... ugh. i always come out of this store with more than i originally want to buy. im such a nerd.

ill upload photos form my trip soon......
i guess....
to those who care......

anyone out there???????

maybe it will help

i used to write a lot.
i dont know what happened.

maybe the cooling pad i bought tonight will help. LOL. i... dont know...


theres always something off
theres always something missing
theres always something else

so do i have it all and im not content
im not content because i dont have it all

should i stop looking left and right
and start looking up and down

how can i stop.

theres something there for me. theres something that im supposed to be doing. theres something that i will absolutely love doing. i just dont know it yet.
maybe i dont know because i cant be bothered. its there right in front of me, flailing, jumping, screaming.

its like im stuck. a wind up doll that wants to go somewhere but does not want to be wound up.
i want to be left alone but i dont want to be left behind.

i know theres more.
there has to be.

here it comes

a new adventure awaits.

and i cant wait.

will make the best of what i got
even though what i got isnt the best
cause what i got is what i got


i do but i dont

i do
because ive always wanted a vespa. i remember sitting on the salon owner's daughter's vespa while my mom was getting a haircut and/or mani/pedi. i loved it. but i was too little. my feet didnt even touch the vespa's floor thinggy. im not little anymore and i still want one. but it seems ridiculous to own one right now since one, i own a car (crappy as it is, its still a car) & two, i live in the suburbs. if i lived in an urban area then it would make more sense. (or would it? maybe im just under a romantic spell of urban living; people walking to places, riding their scooters, hopping on public transportation, having places to go to past 10PM... *le sigh*)

i dont
because living quarters would be tight. ive always lived in the suburbs. i dont know how ill manage with limited space (which is one of my many worries of moving out along with cooking, laundry, cleaning, et cetera... *le sigh once again*). and frankly right now its not looking too good. dont believe me? kijiji is advertising waste disposal ( link )

oh toronto,
i do but i dont.

i ♥ TO ?

ps. i guess if i want a vespa i need to get cracking on that Class M license... dun dun dunnnnn

its all the same.

same places.

same things.

same sounds.

same crowd.

same smell.

same look.

same streets.

same ground.

same trees.

same faces.

its all the same

i want to be different.

happens every year

i broke my 6$ forever21 sunglasses.
so i bought 2 new ones.

i like buying cheap sunglasses in the summer.
2 for 20$ @ aldo. 8$ @ h&m. 6$ @ forever21.

every summer i buy a pair.
then, almost as if on cue, i manage to break it by the end of the season.
so the rest of the year i go back to trusty, unflimsy sunnies.
the case they come in makes it harder for me to break them ;P
all season sunnies

since i manage to break them every summer,
will i stop buying cheapy sunglasses?
probably not.
its like a summer ritual.

this is why being a "celebrity" sucks

i dont do this very often but i just felt the urge to comment/blog/write/whathaveyou about these events.

when youre a "celebrity" or relatively famous, your life is out for everyone to see.
so fights between the likes of jon & kate and perez & will.i.am are exposed for everyone to see.
they tweet, blog, make videos, statements, have interviews.
when really all they need to do is remember their place in this world, talk it out between themselves, and maybe resolve it. the key is to not let anyone else influence what is theirs to resolve (which almost always makes things worse)

seriously, i think jon & kate + 8 (the show) should have been over a LONG time ago. its not about the children anymore. its about the parents WITH 8 children. exposure can drive anyone bonkers. if they truly wanted what is best and normal for their family and especially the kids, they should have called it quits a long time ago. its not normal to grow up with a whole tv crew in your home.

and this thing with perez and will.i.am... where do i even begin. profanity, name calling, shame here, shame there. i dont even know who is telling the truth. but it doesnt even matter right now. all i want to say about this whole ruckus is that attacking people is never the way to go. PHYSICALLY OR VERBALLY.

not so much

annie loves tomorrow because the sun will come out and because its always a day away.

as much as love looking forward to tomorrows,
when tomorrow is today
and today is yesterday,
i love it too.

especially on fridays.

sideways eight

a few minutes ago i was looking through my files.
folders and folders of photos.
different cameras.
different times.
different places.
different emotions.

i thought,
i need some sort of external memory.
im gonna run out of space soon

then i thought
wouldnt it be awesome if infinity did exist

i sat on that thought.

i was wrong.
it wouldnt be awesome.
it would be horrible.

okay, it would be awesome at first.
infinite memory, infinite battery, infinite photos, infinite memories, infinite time,
infinite everything.

but wheres the fun in that.
where is the pressure, the challenge
that will push you to do more,
inspire you to move forward,
drive you to improve.

if everything is there,
is given
what is there to achieve?

the fun in capturing a sunrise is that it is finite
the world is not forever coloured red-orange
its only there for a few minutes
its either you got it or you didnt

there is tomorrow.
the sun will set again tomorrow
and you can try again
and again
and again.

even to the most incredible minds of this world,
past or present,
learning is a process.
learning takes time.
learning never stops.

video post

"there's nothing you could ever do that will make me love you less"

"being busy is a drug that a lot of people are addicted to"

Game of Hope
"while it didn't erase the mistakes they've made ... there was reason to look ahead"

i need to wake up

take me somewhere far, far away.

give me a chance to miss my life. 

show me how good i have it. 

let me remember the good.

make me let go of the bad. 

give me a chance to miss.

take me somewhere far, far away.

gets me everytime

i used to write the words. everywhere.

i saw it. and i wanted to hear it again. 
i dug the old, old cd from underneath my seat.
the case dirty and cold
sitting in my car for the past few years. 

it pop it in. 
and im back.
its back.

i dont even notice that the volume is on 40+
its like no matter how loud i go
its not loud enough. 
i cant even hear me singing along
at the top of my lungs.

all i know is i know this song. 
and its like it knows me. 
like weve been friends for a long time. 

it was cold outside. 
but i rolled down the window anyway. 

Q & A

when is a good habit actually a bad habit...

when you develop it because of fear.

marinate in it & call me in the morning


i dont know why i do.
i just know that i do. 

i love stationary.

i buy pretty paper.
i buy pretty pens.
i buy pretty post-its.
sometimes i use them. sometimes i dont.

i buy agendas.
they were key when i was in school. i got one for this year. its sitting on my desk. the date is april 5th.

i buy notebooks.
i buy journals.
i write on them. not everyday. sometimes i write to the last page. sometimes i quit halfway.

pretty paper, lined paper + super fine pilot pens. 
its my thing. 

when does a dream end and life starts

the last thing i remember is lying down on my bed. watching the headlights of passing cars dance on my ceiling. 
so what is this? where am i? why is it so, green. so wet. so soft. it smells like rain. 
i guess its raining. weird. i cant feel it. 
okay, now, how do i get out of here. 
wait. hold on. whats that? so bright against the dark sky and the green grass.
yellow? something yellow. 
ugh. i really dont like this squishing noise my feet are making. but why cant i stop walking towards the yellow blob. 
oh. the blob. its, a girl. with long dark hair, dripping and matted on her bright yellow raincoat.
what the heck is she doing out in this torrential rain? sitting there on that tree stump, so calm. thoughtfully swinging her feet in those glaring red rainboots spotted with what i would assume is mud. looking at her youd think its not raining at all. except of course that shes in full rain gear. 
what the he- oh shoot! stupid friggin twig! oh man, now i know she knows im here. 
yep! she definitely knows im here. yeah, she knows. she looking right at me. theres no one else here.
wait, are those,  raindrops? or, tears?
wow, its really coming down now. and this hood is making the rain louder in my head that it actually is. maybe i should peel it off my head. 
yeah, better. definitely better. hey i like this yellow on me.


why are you here?

it was sunday.
we were in the library.
not the public library. the university library.

we shared a table with a girl we knew.
she went on a de-stress stroll and when she came back she asked us
"what are you guys doing here? its sunday. and youre not even in school anymore."

what were we doing there?
beautiful sunday afternoon. we chose to go to the university library.

we said over our laptops, "editing" "film" "photos"

it might have appeared that we were just like the rest of them.
students counting down to the final days of school.
but we werent

we were doing "our own stuff."

no guidelines. no deadlines.
we just do what we want. when we want to.

its an awesome feeling.
i highly recommend it.

home time

when the sun goes down, theres no pressure. just anticipation of what tomorrow will be like

8.5 hours to go

i want to do so many things tonight.

i just bought loco roco cocoreccho and noby noby boy.
i played for a bit last night but i just couldnt get into it cause i was waiting for to watch antm.

i bought a few things from chapters.
man, i LOVE stationary.
i got so excited over these ADORABLE sticky notes.
480 stickes of chocolate dots and stripes design goodness.
AND! this magnetic dry erase board

omg... just got a call from boyfriend...
"can you come downstairs?"
maaaaaaaaaaaan, he spoils me WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much!

i totally forgot what my point was...
my mind is too stimulated now.
i need to go to bed...
someone will be sticking a needle in me tomorrow to take my blood.

pointless entry...
which means..........

life is good.

as usual, my head is somewhere else

seriously want to write.
but the serious urge to,
came too late.

ive been sick
and im still recovering.
i want to stay up and write all night
but its not the smartest thing to do right now.

maybe tomorrow.

ill sniffle myself to sleep now.

leave a message...

IMG_3958the trip from the title to the body took me 4 minutes.

i may look like im here, but i really am not. 

every sentence takes me a few minutes to write. not because im carefully picking the words i should type. but because i get bored. and distracted. 

i probably spoke less than a single-spaced page of words this week so far. 
im not sick. i didnt lose my voice. 
im just bored. irritated. couldnt be bothered. 

what am i doing refreshing the weather network, twitter, facebook, failblog, postsecret, photoshop disasters and flickr. why do i just come home, eat dinner, go to my room and sit on the floor. 

yes, its fun and relaxing. but is it enough. 

getting a taste of something different left me wanting more.
i want more late night flights out of the city. i want more hotel room reservations. i want more walking on unfamiliar streets. i want more new and exciting food. i want more memory preserving photos. i want more stories to tell. i want more "im sorry, no english." i want more accents. i want more adventures. 

right now, i feel like im just waiting for my next adventure. the more days i let go by, i closer i get to the next break in routine. "seize the day" means nothing to me right now. 
i am existing, not living. 

i dont need anything extravagant. i dont need to go away for a long time. i dont need to live in a fancy hotel. i dont need to spend a lot of money. i dont need to go somewhere exotic. 
i just need something. something else.

but i dont want to do it alone. i CANT do it alone. 
and i CANT do it with just anyone. 

i am tired of this city. i am tired of the cities around it.
its becoming harder to find something fun to do. 
but when youre with a certain person or certain group of people, it doesnt matter however many times youve done something. itll always be new and fun. 

just dont push me. 
if you push me, i will push you away.
i did what other people told me to do long enough just to keep them off my back.
its my turn now. i will do what i want to do. 
if you tell me otherwise, you will know. 
i dont owe anyone anything anymore. 
so dont push me. 

everyone gets a choice in life. i decided to sacrifice my time early on, so now ive gained time. 
what i will do with my time? im still deciding. 
knowing me, i will not decide until ive become totally bored. 
this is why, everyday that passes, the thought of creating another adventure is becoming more urgent.
either that or im still hung up on my last one. 

either way, this is where i am right now. 
stuck between yesterday and tomorrow, with nothing but dreams of both. 


family day long weekend = trip to quebec city.

quebec city in the dead of winter?! are you nuts?!
yes we were.

i cant write about every single thing because i want to squeeze in some little big planet time before i sleep.

a few highlights (that i might talk about more later on... maybe)

could you wave to my camera please
no, this is not what a taxi looks like in quebec. just another way to get around inside the walls of old quebec

it was EXTREMELY easy getting around. even from the most remote place you can just ask someone (from the museum, restaurant, hotel, aquarium, mall, anywhere!) to call up a taxi and it will be there in LESS THAN 5 minutes! it wasnt expensive either. 3.30$  base price + 1.60$ per km + 0.60$ per idle minute. we didnt pay more than 30$ for one trip. 

i think food needs to be divided into two categories
(but the photos will be both of the latter category. heehee)
chocolate from enrico
cappuccino flavoured chocolate from erico

parisian macarons
parisian macarons from paillard

food food food food is your basic meal. anywhere we decided to park our butts to eat we were not disappointed. one highlight was dinner at le feu sacre. we were feeling for some seafood. 1 x lobster bisque, 2 x 1.5 lbs lobsters, 1 x chocolate truffle cake and one lobster overload later, we were done. i think we were there for a good 2 hours. mostly because the lobster had to be fished out of the tank and cooked. 
sweet stuff chocolates from choco-musee erico were hit and miss. but when it hit, it hit pretty hard. SO good. BUT the parisian macarons from paillard were win-win all the way. my only regret was that i didnt buy more!

language barrier
that fish is mine!
even these guys only understood french

i was really nervous because neither of us knew how to speak french. it was actually not that bad but there were definitely times that i wish i knew how. of course there were also times when we ran into people who english. it made like a bit easier and a lot less quiet. 

flying vs. driving vs. bussing vs. training
last flight out
11.30 pm flight on a friday night

driving was not an option. i did not want him to be driving for n hours. thats just cruel. i didnt like the idea of bussing only because, well, i dont like buses. the train idea was plausible for a bit until i checked prices for flights. for a bit more, we could much spend less time getting there and more time actually being there. 
that and cause we're ballers. im joking.... we're not.... yet ;P 

these are just sample photos. 
check my personal flickr for more. 


dont expect people to take care of you if cant even take care of yourself.

shut up and pull yourself together.

yes youre right. some people are nice.
but some just feel sorry for you.

if things dont change,
if you dont change,
good luck finding even the nicest person.

you suck.

just because its different does not mean its right.

it takes three months to get to mars.
how about.... no?

i love films.

i love buying tickets to see one.
i love buying dvds to see them over and over. 

my dad thinks its a waste of money. i think he's wrong. 

there are a few good movies out there and i think i watched one tonight.
some may not agree. some may agree for a different reason. 

but im not here to think about what others may think. im here to think about what i think. 

i finally watched troy (2004) after telling myself i would after i took a classical myth class in my last year of university. 
i wanted to see how closely it follows the myth. 
its been so long since that class that i dont remember much anymore. i dug up my ratty textbook and i will read it again tonight. 

classical myth fascinates me that much.

i dont know if there is any truth in this myth but to me, it came to life on my screen. i saw thousands of men sailing across the sea to go to war for a man full of greed. thousands of men marching towards each other leaving at the shores and the gates their wives, children, father, mother, brother, sister. 
ancient warfare, mythical or not, leaves me in awe. men charge at a command, running towards their death. archers shower men with deadly rain. both man and animal fall soaking the sand, splattering the walls, dyeing the ground with their blood. 
all for the glory of their nation. the nation of one man.

heroes are remembered. their names spoken aloud, carved on stone, written in books, studied, admired and even worshipped by many. 

but what about the other hundreds of thousands who have fallen? who were they? what were their names? did they leave someone behind? did their death cause someone to cry?

the characters of this myth must have led very sorrowful lives. they must endure days, weeks and months of being apart. working hard, sailing away, fighting wars. unsure if they will ever be together again. hoping that they would not have to spend a lifetime apart, yearning to finally meet again in the next life. the most unfortunate watch as their loved one falls in the hands of the enemy.

i would feel bad for them. but i dont. i feel bad for us. we are not characters of a classical myth. yet there is so much sorrow and emptiness in our lives. 

can i touch it?
we have "tired" of conquering lands. we have "ended" owning people. we have evolved, grown stronger and wiser. we made ways to get tp places faster. we made ways to travel father. we made ways to spend less time together. we made ways to kill each other easier.  
we made things easier and more complicated. 

what is our trojan war? what is our great world war? what is our great depression? 
who is that one man full of greed that we are fighting our war for now?
have we created a war that we are not even aware of? have we made ourselves our own king filled with greed? 

why do we have to try so hard? what are we working so hard for? what do we have to attain that we dont already have? what are we investing our lives in? what is the rainy day we are saving up for?

isnt today enough? 

isnt right here and now enough?

ive said this many times before but that will not stop me from saying it many times again,
dont look too far into the future that you miss what is right in front of you. 

you are my today
and my tomorrow
for always

now is the time

i woke up and one thing came to my mind.

i really want a dog.

my parents just got back from the dominican and theyve been in the BEST mood in MONTHS. ive been hinting on getting a dog for so long but this weekend my hints became less like hints and more like a plead. i wanted to get into their system as much of my hint/plead as i could before they go back to work tomorrow because i KNOW theyll slip back to the north american mood before i can even say "i want a red and white or black and white siberian husky with blue eyes that i will probably name koge!" [koge {pronounced koh-geh}: burnt]

besides a siberian husky, i also want a small or medium sized dog. maybe a teacup yorkie or a japanese spitz.

or maybe all three... small medium large.

example number one

i watched "sicko" last night. 

i kept thinking,
"is this really happening?"

"im glad im canadian"
"im so glad i moved here"

"maybe i should move to england"
"i think i like france"

then i just went back to

i dont know how statistically correct or accurate this documentary is (or was) but still,

i dont know what i will do if i cant simply go to a walk-in clinic whenever i needed to. i dont know how it feels to be denied treatment. and i dont think i ever want to know. 

why does it have to be so hard to stay alive....

its nice to know that life sort of has a sense of humour.

hadari, migi
i decided recently to become more open. to become more friendly. to ignore the rude comments. to stay away from negative speak. to lessen my complaints. to smile and be cheerful and happy. 
(why? thats another entry)
i decided that ive had too many days that start off with negative thoughts and feelings that my whole day is ruined and i end up spending the whole day annoyed or pissed. 
i think on the inside i really was getting tired of the way my life was going. repetitively annoying. 

it wasnt that hard. surprisingly. i was feeling so good that i decided to grant a co-workers wish for an apple fritter. so good that i even took orders from the rest of the team. so good i headed out on possibly one of the coldest days of the year for this rare coffee run. so good that i treated everyone to something. 

tonight, my brother came home with a box of doughnuts and hot chocolate for everyone. 

train of thoughtless thoughts

dream dream dream dream

*car alarm*

*people scurrying*


*car alarm dies*

oh LOL someones trying to steal my brothers car

whatever i dont care

*checks time*

" 6:44 am "

awww maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

*alarm clock* 

*slides to " snooze "*

pushing papers

i had a moment at work today.
i had to fight off the urge to sigh deeply, complain, yell, pull my hair, and cry.

what am i doing?
i thought this would be okay. me, coming in at 9am, sitting in front of the computer, packing up at five, and then doing what i really wanted to do afterwards. at least that was the idea. 
recently ive been too worn out that i just want to pack up and go home. 

i envy the people who share photos of their vacations and adventures all over the world. i envy the people who post beautiful photos they took time to take. 
i want to go on vacations. i want to have adventures. i want to take beautiful photos. 
and i can. and i should. 

but im a coward.
im too afraid to make decisions. i dont want to be accountable. 

and im lazy.
breaking the routine is just too much work. 

no one is stopping me but me. 
and thats the crappiest place i could possibly put myself in.

i think im gonna go back to school.
but this time, im going for me.

imperfect, just how i like it

another year

this photo is grainy. the timing was off. its off center. 
postproduction efforts were minimal. 

its just like how we are. 
its perfectly flawed.

things arent always clear. things arent always sure. things dont always happen. things dont always go right. 
but there is so much there that its not hard to make it. 

smiles, hugs, kisses, letters, notes, holding of hands, dates, meals, trips, and everything in between. 
i admit, things or experiences become special because of the people you share it with. 
but you can only experience things so many times. after a while, it loses its magic.
im glad we can forever share the magic of our many firsts together. 

quick, before i pick up the phone!

skydome converted

so. its 2009. whoopdeedoo.

new years eve was normal and not. 
pajama party/dinner with family. dinner, normal. pajama party, not.
dramatic exile to another hotel. drama, normal. exile, not. 
yeah, the hotel we booked with told us that our room has been given away because they over booked. first it was OMG WHAT?!?!?! then it slowly made its way up to OMG WHAAAAT!!! the difference? from being momentarily homeless for NYE to getting a kickass suite for free. how kickass you ask? check out our view. (pictured above: view of rogers centre in downtown toronto from the 1st floor of our suite.)

so that was good. 
oh and the dimsum the day after was very good as well. well worth the crowded wait. 

january 2nd, the office was closed so i decided to paint and rearrange my room. 1 big desk removal, 2 shades of blue, and 3 pieces of new furniture later, it was done. now i have more space to do nothing on. 

yesterday, i received a new video game from my lovely kareshi  (from who? look it up and learn something new)

im not done playing the video games i got for christmas yet. im not done my old ones either for that matter.
and i havent watched all the movies i got from my brother. i have 4 more to go. 
i still have to clean out my closet to make room for the new clothes i want to buy.
i spent a good hour or so online shopping for a purse. and other things. 

i can feel it. im getting bored. the holidays are over. the festivities are done. its back to normal again. 
i need to do something. buy a purse, buy gloves, buy new work clothes, buy new clothes period, take photos, exercise, eat less, read a book, play video games, watch movies, watch anime, watch asian dramas. but these are all so normal. i need to do something not normal so i dont get bored. 

i have to find something to do soon or else i will lose it one day and book an appointment with heather to chop 5 inches off my hair. mark my words! (ugh i hate that expression. my 4th grade homeroom teacher always used to threaten us with it.) 

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