i may look like im here, but i really am not.
every sentence takes me a few minutes to write. not because im carefully picking the words i should type. but because i get bored. and distracted.
i probably spoke less than a single-spaced page of words this week so far.
im not sick. i didnt lose my voice.
im just bored. irritated. couldnt be bothered.
what am i doing refreshing the weather network, twitter, facebook, failblog, postsecret, photoshop disasters and flickr. why do i just come home, eat dinner, go to my room and sit on the floor.
yes, its fun and relaxing. but is it enough.
getting a taste of something different left me wanting more.
i want more late night flights out of the city. i want more hotel room reservations. i want more walking on unfamiliar streets. i want more new and exciting food. i want more memory preserving photos. i want more stories to tell. i want more "im sorry, no english." i want more accents. i want more adventures.
right now, i feel like im just waiting for my next adventure. the more days i let go by, i closer i get to the next break in routine. "seize the day" means nothing to me right now.
i am existing, not living.
i dont need anything extravagant. i dont need to go away for a long time. i dont need to live in a fancy hotel. i dont need to spend a lot of money. i dont need to go somewhere exotic.
i just need something. something else.
but i dont want to do it alone. i CANT do it alone.
and i CANT do it with just anyone.
i am tired of this city. i am tired of the cities around it.
its becoming harder to find something fun to do.
but when youre with a certain person or certain group of people, it doesnt matter however many times youve done something. itll always be new and fun.
just dont push me.
if you push me, i will push you away.
i did what other people told me to do long enough just to keep them off my back.
its my turn now. i will do what i want to do.
if you tell me otherwise, you will know.
i dont owe anyone anything anymore.
so dont push me.
everyone gets a choice in life. i decided to sacrifice my time early on, so now ive gained time.
what i will do with my time? im still deciding.
knowing me, i will not decide until ive become totally bored.
this is why, everyday that passes, the thought of creating another adventure is becoming more urgent.
either that or im still hung up on my last one.
either way, this is where i am right now.
stuck between yesterday and tomorrow, with nothing but dreams of both.