leave a message...

IMG_3958the trip from the title to the body took me 4 minutes.

i may look like im here, but i really am not. 

every sentence takes me a few minutes to write. not because im carefully picking the words i should type. but because i get bored. and distracted. 

i probably spoke less than a single-spaced page of words this week so far. 
im not sick. i didnt lose my voice. 
im just bored. irritated. couldnt be bothered. 

what am i doing refreshing the weather network, twitter, facebook, failblog, postsecret, photoshop disasters and flickr. why do i just come home, eat dinner, go to my room and sit on the floor. 

yes, its fun and relaxing. but is it enough. 

getting a taste of something different left me wanting more.
i want more late night flights out of the city. i want more hotel room reservations. i want more walking on unfamiliar streets. i want more new and exciting food. i want more memory preserving photos. i want more stories to tell. i want more "im sorry, no english." i want more accents. i want more adventures. 

right now, i feel like im just waiting for my next adventure. the more days i let go by, i closer i get to the next break in routine. "seize the day" means nothing to me right now. 
i am existing, not living. 

i dont need anything extravagant. i dont need to go away for a long time. i dont need to live in a fancy hotel. i dont need to spend a lot of money. i dont need to go somewhere exotic. 
i just need something. something else.

but i dont want to do it alone. i CANT do it alone. 
and i CANT do it with just anyone. 

i am tired of this city. i am tired of the cities around it.
its becoming harder to find something fun to do. 
but when youre with a certain person or certain group of people, it doesnt matter however many times youve done something. itll always be new and fun. 

just dont push me. 
if you push me, i will push you away.
i did what other people told me to do long enough just to keep them off my back.
its my turn now. i will do what i want to do. 
if you tell me otherwise, you will know. 
i dont owe anyone anything anymore. 
so dont push me. 

everyone gets a choice in life. i decided to sacrifice my time early on, so now ive gained time. 
what i will do with my time? im still deciding. 
knowing me, i will not decide until ive become totally bored. 
this is why, everyday that passes, the thought of creating another adventure is becoming more urgent.
either that or im still hung up on my last one. 

either way, this is where i am right now. 
stuck between yesterday and tomorrow, with nothing but dreams of both. 


family day long weekend = trip to quebec city.

quebec city in the dead of winter?! are you nuts?!
yes we were.

i cant write about every single thing because i want to squeeze in some little big planet time before i sleep.

a few highlights (that i might talk about more later on... maybe)

could you wave to my camera please
no, this is not what a taxi looks like in quebec. just another way to get around inside the walls of old quebec

it was EXTREMELY easy getting around. even from the most remote place you can just ask someone (from the museum, restaurant, hotel, aquarium, mall, anywhere!) to call up a taxi and it will be there in LESS THAN 5 minutes! it wasnt expensive either. 3.30$  base price + 1.60$ per km + 0.60$ per idle minute. we didnt pay more than 30$ for one trip. 

i think food needs to be divided into two categories
(but the photos will be both of the latter category. heehee)
chocolate from enrico
cappuccino flavoured chocolate from erico

parisian macarons
parisian macarons from paillard

food food food food is your basic meal. anywhere we decided to park our butts to eat we were not disappointed. one highlight was dinner at le feu sacre. we were feeling for some seafood. 1 x lobster bisque, 2 x 1.5 lbs lobsters, 1 x chocolate truffle cake and one lobster overload later, we were done. i think we were there for a good 2 hours. mostly because the lobster had to be fished out of the tank and cooked. 
sweet stuff chocolates from choco-musee erico were hit and miss. but when it hit, it hit pretty hard. SO good. BUT the parisian macarons from paillard were win-win all the way. my only regret was that i didnt buy more!

language barrier
that fish is mine!
even these guys only understood french

i was really nervous because neither of us knew how to speak french. it was actually not that bad but there were definitely times that i wish i knew how. of course there were also times when we ran into people who english. it made like a bit easier and a lot less quiet. 

flying vs. driving vs. bussing vs. training
last flight out
11.30 pm flight on a friday night

driving was not an option. i did not want him to be driving for n hours. thats just cruel. i didnt like the idea of bussing only because, well, i dont like buses. the train idea was plausible for a bit until i checked prices for flights. for a bit more, we could much spend less time getting there and more time actually being there. 
that and cause we're ballers. im joking.... we're not.... yet ;P 

these are just sample photos. 
check my personal flickr for more. 


dont expect people to take care of you if cant even take care of yourself.

shut up and pull yourself together.

yes youre right. some people are nice.
but some just feel sorry for you.

if things dont change,
if you dont change,
good luck finding even the nicest person.

you suck.

just because its different does not mean its right.

it takes three months to get to mars.
how about.... no?

i love films.

i love buying tickets to see one.
i love buying dvds to see them over and over. 

my dad thinks its a waste of money. i think he's wrong. 

there are a few good movies out there and i think i watched one tonight.
some may not agree. some may agree for a different reason. 

but im not here to think about what others may think. im here to think about what i think. 

i finally watched troy (2004) after telling myself i would after i took a classical myth class in my last year of university. 
i wanted to see how closely it follows the myth. 
its been so long since that class that i dont remember much anymore. i dug up my ratty textbook and i will read it again tonight. 

classical myth fascinates me that much.

i dont know if there is any truth in this myth but to me, it came to life on my screen. i saw thousands of men sailing across the sea to go to war for a man full of greed. thousands of men marching towards each other leaving at the shores and the gates their wives, children, father, mother, brother, sister. 
ancient warfare, mythical or not, leaves me in awe. men charge at a command, running towards their death. archers shower men with deadly rain. both man and animal fall soaking the sand, splattering the walls, dyeing the ground with their blood. 
all for the glory of their nation. the nation of one man.

heroes are remembered. their names spoken aloud, carved on stone, written in books, studied, admired and even worshipped by many. 

but what about the other hundreds of thousands who have fallen? who were they? what were their names? did they leave someone behind? did their death cause someone to cry?

the characters of this myth must have led very sorrowful lives. they must endure days, weeks and months of being apart. working hard, sailing away, fighting wars. unsure if they will ever be together again. hoping that they would not have to spend a lifetime apart, yearning to finally meet again in the next life. the most unfortunate watch as their loved one falls in the hands of the enemy.

i would feel bad for them. but i dont. i feel bad for us. we are not characters of a classical myth. yet there is so much sorrow and emptiness in our lives. 

can i touch it?
we have "tired" of conquering lands. we have "ended" owning people. we have evolved, grown stronger and wiser. we made ways to get tp places faster. we made ways to travel father. we made ways to spend less time together. we made ways to kill each other easier.  
we made things easier and more complicated. 

what is our trojan war? what is our great world war? what is our great depression? 
who is that one man full of greed that we are fighting our war for now?
have we created a war that we are not even aware of? have we made ourselves our own king filled with greed? 

why do we have to try so hard? what are we working so hard for? what do we have to attain that we dont already have? what are we investing our lives in? what is the rainy day we are saving up for?

isnt today enough? 

isnt right here and now enough?

ive said this many times before but that will not stop me from saying it many times again,
dont look too far into the future that you miss what is right in front of you. 

you are my today
and my tomorrow
for always

Featured Post

i do

im going to be totally honest. i judge books by their covers.  literally and figuratively.  whenever im in a bookstore or library and i dont...

Other Reads