pushing papers

i had a moment at work today.
i had to fight off the urge to sigh deeply, complain, yell, pull my hair, and cry.

what am i doing?
i thought this would be okay. me, coming in at 9am, sitting in front of the computer, packing up at five, and then doing what i really wanted to do afterwards. at least that was the idea. 
recently ive been too worn out that i just want to pack up and go home. 

i envy the people who share photos of their vacations and adventures all over the world. i envy the people who post beautiful photos they took time to take. 
i want to go on vacations. i want to have adventures. i want to take beautiful photos. 
and i can. and i should. 

but im a coward.
im too afraid to make decisions. i dont want to be accountable. 

and im lazy.
breaking the routine is just too much work. 

no one is stopping me but me. 
and thats the crappiest place i could possibly put myself in.

i think im gonna go back to school.
but this time, im going for me.

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