its been difficult lately.

and whats making it more difficult is that i dont know exactly why.

im not asking for much.

im not asking for anything actually.

because thats just it,

i dont want to have to ask

im a proud person

its one of the many flaws in my design.

its something ive tried to control

some days, it works. some days, are today.

theres this feeling,

i dont know what it is.

all of a sudden im back in preschool

alone and angry

why do i have to be here, alone.

how come the other kids are gone

whos coming to get me

when are they coming to get me.

the feeling,

its somewhere in there.

rising up to my throat

choking me.

i dont like it.

i like being in control

and right now,

im most definitely not.

ive tried to distract myself

ive tried to focus on other things.

ive tried to ignore it

it works and it doesnt.

the only thing left to do is to face it

but how do you face something that is faceless

something you cant name

something you cant figure out.

i thought i was done with this.

i thought it was over

a long time ago

but theres always something

something new