its been difficult lately.
and whats making it more difficult is that i dont know exactly why.
im not asking for much.
im not asking for anything actually.
because thats just it,
i dont want to have to ask
im a proud person
its one of the many flaws in my design.
its something ive tried to control
some days, it works. some days, are today.
theres this feeling,
i dont know what it is.
all of a sudden im back in preschool
alone and angry
why do i have to be here, alone.
how come the other kids are gone
whos coming to get me
when are they coming to get me.
its somewhere in there.
rising up to my throat
i dont like it.
i like being in control
and right now,
im most definitely not.
ive tried to distract myself
ive tried to focus on other things.
ive tried to ignore it
it works and it doesnt.
the only thing left to do is to face it
but how do you face something that is faceless
something you cant name
something you cant figure out.
i thought i was done with this.
i thought it was over
a long time ago
but theres always something