it's loud when it's quiet

ive always been scared of listening to whats going on in my head.

first off, i am SO thankful that my job takes a break between christmas and the new year. ive been getting a "christmas break" since 2015 - just like school. this time has allowed me to do so many things - spend time with family and friends, purge my life ala marie kondo, travel, rest, read, and so many other things.

Kyoto, Japan - APR2019
found this photo in my phone when i was backing it up.
aka. distraction number 5
this year, i didnt plan anything. i just wanted to free up my calendar so i can say yes to me even if it means saying no to other things.

we are more than halfway through the break and ive only managed to do the things i wanted to do - family time, clean, catch up on netflix, finish up a project, back up my phone, learn something new. to others the two lists might look the same. i admit, they do sound similar, but the feel different.
there was no schedule, no pressure, no list. i just did the things i wanted to do when i wanted to do them.

this is a good a bad thing.
this meant that i had A LOT of time with myself and my thoughts. some days i was really good at distracting myself from listening to myself. some days, not so much.

today was one of those days. hence, me being here. welcome to my brain.

i cannot count the times ive said "im not creative." however, i know that for each time i said that in front of another person they would "call me on my bullshit."
i know my definition of creativity is SUPER limiting. or is it that the creative people i see are just so massively so that any morsel of creativity i have just pales in comparison. i know its not right to think that. but i also know that its hard to stop.

i have tried so many things in the past to force creativity - new gear, new blog, new book, new challenge. in fact, this is a result of a combination of a few of those attempts. but maybe thats where im going wrong, im forcing it. im just so afraid that if there is nothing to hold me accountable, i wont do it. but maybe thats OK.

heres to allowing myself to be more creative - whatever that means.

i took this photo when i traded my old camera in.
i was a little sad to have let it go and it made the bag feel heavier than it actually is.
i know new gear doesnt necessarily promise creativity, but allow me this one assumption.

1 comment:

j3fnysksvh said...

These forms of video games often embrace storylines in which you can be able to|which you'll} progress via enjoying in} by unlocking completely different levels. These kinds of video games are very partaking you're be} feeling|and you are feeling} like you could have} some control over the sport. If you bet on the Banker or the Player this will end in even bets in case you win, your money will be doubled up. This reality makes a tie very popular bet despite 토토사이트 its dangerous nature. To be able to|be succesful of|have the ability to} stay as a VIP, and to succeed in the upper levels, you need to|you must} proceed betting on the location. You also need to maintain the minimum loyalty points required to stay inside your points bracket, and when you don’t have sufficient points by the top of the month, you’ll go down a level.

Featured Post

i do

im going to be totally honest. i judge books by their covers.  literally and figuratively.  whenever im in a bookstore or library and i do...

Other Reads